Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
