Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
