I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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