This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
