whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
