So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
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