i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
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