I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
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