??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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