Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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