youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize