I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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