Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
