So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
