I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
