i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
