Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
