she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
