I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
