I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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