oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
God, you're like boner-b-gone
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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