The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
