I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
