I want to stick my p in your. b.
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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