There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
