There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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