I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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