If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
