Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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