she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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