I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
