Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Randomize
