Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Randomize
