So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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