2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
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