The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
