Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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