He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
