1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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