we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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