is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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