Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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