Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
