it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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