drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
