why im i the only drunk person in the library?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
