i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
