you guys were way drunker than both of me
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Randomize
