Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
