why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
