Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
