bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
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