my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
