so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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