she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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