my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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