don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
