I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
