he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
They have beer where we have blood.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
