I wish i was in the wii world.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
