Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Randomize
