so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Randomize
