my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
