hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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