you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
