I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
