Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I looked at my own cervix.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
